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#AutisticJoy Adult Autism Podcasts Surviving Symptoms

Comic Book Hero: Surviving Bullying – A Spoken Song (bonus podcast)


How did autistic & other neurodiverse kids survive the Dark Ages before IEPs, 504 plans, targeted therapy, noise-canceling headphones…?

Here’s some brutal autistic truth-teling for ya… (with transcript)


S1E6-Bonus – “Comic Book Hero: Surviving Bullying – A Spoken Song.” Click at left to play or on three dots at right for download
Available for download or listening Apple/Spotify/Stitcher/Audible/PocketCasts/all platforms: https://neon.page/AutisticAFOL

Transcript:

Hi! I’m Johnny Profane.

Trying something new here… something fun… A bonus episode!

In episode 6, Autistic Masking as Performance Art, I told how I dreamt and fantasized I was Superboy to overcome nightmares… and escape into my head from playground bullies.

Awhile back one of my Songs without a Singer showed what that felt like. Sorta like spoken word slam poetry… if some oldskool country songwriter had a go at it… for a kid’s song.

So this is “Comic Book Hero.”

A song for kids… and mebbe a few #AutisticSurvivor adults…

With monsters… zombies… and thankfully a few heroes.

I wrote this spoken song about my only true childhood friends…

Delusion, Denial, Distance… Dissociation…


How did autistic & other neurodiverse kids survive the Dark Ages before IEPs, 504 plans, targeted therapy, noise-canceling headphones…?

Here’s some brutal autistic truth-telling for ya:

Many, many of us didn’t.

There’s a recent, large Swedish study on autistic suicide… TEN times higher than those blessed with “normal” neurology.

My own first attempt came in 1970, age 17… when, in a dissociative state, I drove a classic, white Ford Mustang head-on into oncoming, nighttime highway traffic…

I survived. Car didn’t.


Successful autistic suicides must have been astronomical before our disabilities became common knowledge in the 80s or 90s.

And those of us born before the 1970s, who survived… alone, bewildered, rejected, defenseless, unprotected by parents, teachers, therapy, medication…

We used our inherent creativity to come up with some pretty weird defense strategies. No two alike, I imagine….

As I explain in the song, I escape into my magic cape.…

My parents loved movies but were broke when I was a kid. My dad… who later molested me… was then a student on the GI Bill at Harpur College. It’s now SUNY Binghamton. They couldn’t afford movie tickets… let alone babysitters.

So one evening in 1957, they packed me, my infant brother, some Jiffy Treat popcorn, and a few beers into the family Nash and drove us to Starlite Drive-In.

To see, of all things, the sci-fi/horror classic…

Invasion of the Body Snatchers…

Which hit my 4-year-old autistic brain like an atom bomb of sensory overload.

I had suffered horrible night terrors since age two or three. Dreams of violent attacks by faceless monsters night after night…

Those film images of Pod People, especially doctors & parents, traumatized me in the same way The Exorcist would 40 years later.

My parents soon tired of getting up in the middle of the night and simply told me I’d grow out of it.

Desperate to end the nightly torture, somehow I taught myself to lucid dream. I could “wake up” inside my nightmares and turn into Superman. I got as addicted to the George Reeves TV show as any future Trekker might have….

After beating the nightmare monsters up, I could slip into deep sleep.

At some point, I began to think I was Superboy in real life. With real parents on an alien planet. And real superpowers… I held in check to spare mere mortals….

My secret conviction was strong. A constant subtext to my everyday world. An obsession I ruminated on for years during class, riding my bike… whenever I was alone. At least until 4th grade.

I bought every comic book I could afford. Knew all the different colors of Kryptonite. I might be the only human to ever think Bizarro World was actually funny.

After all, this was the history of my people…

As an adult, trained as a mental health counselor, I’d say my fantasy had the power of a schizophrenic delusion. Even tho schizophrenia in children isn’t considered possible by most.

Later, my delusion morphed into my unspoken belief that I was a religious figure, even an incarnation of Vishnu….

To this day I hold the fantasy of my imminent “enlightenment” at bay…Obvious compensation for a far drearier reality….

Some say there is a crossroads where autism, schizophrenia, attention deficit, borderline, and others hang out as cousins, genetically related…

I may have visited that crossroads. And sold my soul to Somebody to learn to write.…

With this song, performed only once or twice, I try to bring you into that world.

Btw, the kids we’ve played Comic Book Hero for… love it.


COMIC BOOK HERO

To a Eurotrance Beat (say about 138 bpm)

Verse
Saw “Body Snatchers,” I was four.
Haunted my dreams, waking to screams,
Back to the wall, hiding from it all,
Creatures in the closet coming thru the door.

Chorus
But I’m Superboy when I close my eyes
Defeating supervillains in my disguise
No matter how they howl, no matter how they lie
Comic Book Hero when I close my eyes!

Verse
Flying past that bully on the way to school
Mocks how I dress, can’t make me feel less.
I escape into my magic cape,
My secret powers defeat the cruel….

Chorus
But I’m Superboy when I close my eyes
Defeating supervillains in my disguise
No matter how they howl, no matter how they lie
Comic Book Hero when I close my eyes!

Bridge
Treated like dirt, bullies live to hurt,
And monsters sleep just fine at night.
Walking dead want to eat my head,
My alter-ego hides me from sight….

Verse
Fifty-five, still walk among the living,
Work in a factory feels like a prison.
Bullied by zombies in clipboards & khaki
Demons in disguise in a world gone whacky…

Chorus
But I’m Superboy when I close my eyes
Defeating supervillains in my disguise
No matter how they howl, no matter how they lie
Comic Book Hero when I close my eyes!

But I’m Supergirl when I close my eyes
Defeating supervillains in my disguise
No matter how they howl, no matter how they lie
Comic Book Hero when I close my eyes!

But I’m Super-Enby when I close my eyes
Defeating all the haters in my disguise
No matter how they howl, no matter how they lie
Comic Book Hero when I close my eyes!


Hey! Thanks for listening. Every so often I hope to throw something like this… a tune, a poem, a music playlist… something that gives you the experience of autistic life… celebrates the joys and the lows…

For real.

Quick reminder… Another episode coming at ya soon… on orgasmic autistic learning… where I’ll talk more about this subtype of autism.

Wanna know more? Check out my posts, paintings, poems, music, and politics at www.autisticaf.me

And… If you enjoyed this episode… please share it on social media? Better yet, send it directly to a friend.

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