Neurodivergent Kiss: Autistic Fairytale… or Fabulous Marriage?

Folks ask about my #neurodivergent marriage. Umm… over & over &…

🚨Content note: profanity, opinionated, disturbing images, mental illness…

Folks ask about my #neurodivergent marriage.

Umm… over and over. Like… “Is that even possible?”

Gotta story for ya…

“Neurodivergent Couple,” original illustration by the author.

“Hon, I gotta go.”

Her head’s down, deep in her government-issued phone. Doom-scrolling tornadoes & floods in the news. Flick. Flick…

“Ok, sweetie.” Flick. Derisive nose snort. Flick. Then, she starts, “Can you just…”

“Hon, I gotta go… no kidding… now.”

I jump up from my chair in her small trailer. Meaning I’m pretty much looming over her now. As she sits in her mom’s rocker.

She snaps her head up, ponytail flying.
Green eyes widen for a nanosecond of startle mode…
Narrowing into a nanosecond of dawning understanding…

Then…

G-d-damn if the love of my life didn’t show a nanometer of her crooked grin.

Elapsed time? Let’s be generous. Call it 5 nanoseconds total for the entire micro-gesture.

Grabbing my shit up, I fight to spit out words… any words… “Anxiety….,” any words. “You know. Going now…”

We reassure each other. Couple quick phrases, back & forth.

I touch her arm, wheel on my heel.

Detail from “Neurodivergent Kiss,” original digital illustration by author.

“I love you!” Kind of a strangled grunt over my shoulder.

She sings back, “I love you, too!” from behind as I grab Gussie’s leash, steaming for the only way out…

Precisely 2 doors, 3 yellow, grandkid trucks, 1 dark narrow trailer corridor, and 18 fucking feet away…

I have no memory…
How I opened the door,
Navigated the uneven wooden stairs,
Climbed the garden path,
Or ended up stuffed in my armchair in front of YouTube.
Some 60 feet distant from where I left Kimmie in mid startle…

Gotta say, Gus is a very understanding dog.

Now… about my wife.

First off. Take all the above shit with a Mount Everest of pink Himalyan sea salt. Typically, I boast of the short-term accuracy of my image-based memory. But recalling details when one of my adult autistic meltdowns is coming on?

T’ain’t one of ‘em.

So, no way that my wife recognizes this event as I tell it. Probably a whole lotta deleted screaming & yelling overlooked. Yet, the story is true in my heart.

And this is a very, very happy ending.

“Neurodivergent Kiss,” detail from original digital illustration by the author. More here.

I’ve wanted to write for a long time about our neurodivergent marriage. But the topic is so big, so complex… I’ve been frozen.

So, I will begin with this simplest memory. Still fresh in my mind from yesterday morning’s coffee with my wife.

A little too much dark political news on YouTube, a few too many whines out of our two dogs, an unscheduled event, caffeine, and, TBH, a toke too many of the ole wake-and-bake…

Anyway, a memory.

In the moment, I recognize that I’m overwhelmed. Because of sensory input and emotions… I’m in danger of an adult autistic meltdown.

And I know this cuz after years of work, there are warning signs…

A kind of background hissing noise tingles in my mind…
Too quiet to notice at first.
But as room sounds get louder and louder…
The window gets brighter, too bright…
My feet dance…
I hear my voice louder…
And that background HISS builds, builds, builds….

Once upon a time? My meltdowns all happened in about the same 5 nanoseconds I talked about at the beginning. Sometimes… leading to instant, frightening explosions.

But those scenes from our neurodivergent marriage are for another time. The stories of how we conquered one challenge after another.

How did I learn to catch the first, earliest signs… and call in the bomb squad’s help?

Meditation, for one, helped. A fucking metric-shit-tonne amount of time staring at the back of my eyelids.

But evangelism isn’t my gig. At least not for the last 30 years or so. So, that discussion too, for another time.

For right now, please accept this snapshot of my life living with a partner who knows me.

Autistic me.
Only a-hint-of-a-mask-left me…

Which bears repeating for the folks in the back.
The ones who don’t grok
The existential loneliness,
The nausea of an #autistic mind
Wandering cueless in Gaza…
Under a surreal sun….
Where no other being speaks your tongue.

“Like a Meteor Smashing into My Backyard,” original manga illustration by the author.

To find a partner who knows me?

Admires me?
Respects me?
And accepts me …
AutisticAF-as-I-am me?

Damn-near exactly as I am?

Earth shattering.
Like a meteor smashing into my backyard.
A real Oppenheimer moment.
The end of the world as I knew it…

But after some mighty aftershocks and a couple of tsunamis… We feel fine.

So, all those other scenes? The things we learned… things that worked for us… things that NEVER would?

For the future. Soon, I promise.

Btw, my wife considers herself typical. We all humor her.

“Neurodivergent Kiss,” original digital tableau by the author. More here.

NOTE: For folks who follow me and know of my recent illness, I’m on the mend. But far from my usual. As they dial in the meds, it’s getting easier. I managed to put in 8 days straight working…

In a way, I’ve been rehearsing for this my whole life… I know from recovering after dozens of autistic burnouts. This trip has been just a great deal worse.

I don’t see longer, more detailed posts, podcasts, or videos in my immediate future. I gotta start from where I am.

So, so far some of my imagistic thoughts have begun to grab me, demanding they find a voice. Hence the stabs at poetry and wordy social media posts. Next up, like true command voices they demand to see themselves… hence, my posted artwork of late. Now they’re really pushing me… so I’m squeaking out a few short threads.

Portrait of the author as an old man.

Let’s see where this goes?

Thanks for reading me. If you’ve found anything of value, please consider sharing. Especially if you know someone who might just want to read it. I’ve managed to lose most of my audience during my illness. So biggest thing you could do to help? Spread the word.

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