#AutisticAF

Living Autistic… Out. LOUD.

“Calm Down!” Why is this the WORST Advice You Can Give an Autistic Person?”

"Calm Down," digital tableau by Johnny Profane Âû. Closeup of a young boy's face during a meltdown. He wears a birthday hat and is standing on a park merry-go-round. In the background a peaceful scene of people walking dogs in a village park surrounded by trees. In a cubist collage style with dark tones an vibrant colors. Digital tools used include AI.

Ever been told to ‘calm down’? How’d it feel? Well, this autistic feels like exploding!

🚨Content note: profanity, opinionated, disturbing images, therapist bashing…

“Calm down.”

G-d damn, I hate those words. Always have.

And I’ve heard them pretty much every day of my LONG life.

"Pro Compassion," a dgital image collaboration by the author with Midjourney. A cubist collage, a headshot of a young female therapist.
“Pro Compassion,” a dgital image collaboration by the author with Midjourney.

Delivered in soothing tones… Helpful tones… Authoritative… Anxious, Angry, Sometimes accompanied by a slap.

“Calm down!”

A canned phrase, tossed out wholesale… By parents. Teachers. Priests. Playmates. Lovers. Doctors. Therapists… Pretty much all commanding one thing of me.

"Therapist Sez, Calm Down" Original digital illustration by the author. Geometrically fragmented collage of female therapist with a smile on the right side of her face, and an ironic sneer on the left.
“Therapist Sez, Calm Down,” digital illustration by the author. Digital tools include AI.

Control over THEIR own feelings.

By demanding… control of mine.

“Calm Down…?”

WHO needs control when I’m sad…? Angry…? Intense? Passionate? Proud? Informative, Joyful or… Suicidal?

YOU folks do. I’m feeling what I’m feeling. And expressing it in ways that are not only the most natural to me… but also the most appropriate…

To the neurology I was born with.

Avatar detail from "Calm Down," digital illustration by Johnny Profane Âû. Closeup of a young boy's face during a meltdown. He wears a birthday hat and is standing on a park merry-go-round. In the background a peaceful scene of people walking dogs in a village park surrounded by trees. In a cubist collage style with dark tones an vibrant colors. Digital tools used include AI.
Avatar detail from “Calm Down,” digital illustration by Johnny Profane Âû.
Selfie detail from "Calm Down," digital illustration by Johnny Profane Âû. Closeup of a young boy's face during a meltdown. He wears a birthday hat and is standing on a park merry-go-round. In the background a peaceful scene of people walking dogs in a village park surrounded by trees. In a cubist collage style with dark tones an vibrant colors. Digital tools used include AI.
Selfie detail from “Calm Down,” digital illustration by Johnny Profane Âû.

You may not like it.
In the park.

In the grocery store.
In front of strangers.
In front of Aunt Mary.
In 2nd grade.
With your office door open.

"With Your Office Door Open," digital tableau by Johnny Profane Âû. Closeup of a young man's face during a meltdown. He appears to be exploding from the desk in his office cubicle. In the background a peaceful scene of people working quietly in a surreal office filled with cubicles. In a cubist collage style with dark tones an vibrant colors. Digital tools used include AI.
“With Your Office Door Open,” digital tableau by Johnny Profane Âû. Digital tools used include AI.


In your waiting room.
On our 3rd date.
In your house…
In your life.

"Calm Down," digital tableau by Johnny Profane Âû. Closeup of a young boy's face during a meltdown. He wears a birthday hat and is standing on a park merry-go-round. In the background a peaceful scene of people walking dogs in a village park surrounded by trees. In a cubist collage style with dark tones an vibrant colors. Digital tools used include AI.
“Calm Down,” digital tableau by Johnny Profane Âû. Digital tools include AI.

“Calm down…?”

Avatar detail from "If You Meet a Saint along the Road," original digital tableau by the author. In a surreal cubist collage, a female saint holds up her hand as another hand reaches around her throat. In the background crows, gas masks, syringe, pills, school bell, objects of control. Digital tools include AI.
Avatar detail from “If You Meet a Saint along the Road,” original digital tableau by the author.

There’s a whole wing of autism deniers… masquerading as scholars… who say we autistics lack a “theory of mind.”

Like adult autistics don’t deal with typical human minds 24/ 7… 365 point 25 …

YOUR problem with MY behavior is easier to understand than your whole “theory of mind,” “behavioral analysis” crap.

I don’t get how YOU think or feel. You don’t get how I think or feel… And we rub each other the wrong way. Just like cats and dogs.

THIS cat has a theory of your mind. It’s simple.

Selfie detail from "If You Meet a Saint along the Road," original digital tableau by the author. In a surreal cubist collage, a female saint holds up her hand as another hand reaches around her throat. In the background crows, gas masks, syringe, pills, school bell, objects of control. Digital tools include AI.
Selfie detail from “If You Meet a Saint along the Road,” original digital tableau by the author.

You don’t acknowledge what you think or feel. Not in public. Lots of times not even to yourself. S’why y’all drive me crazy.

Why did parents, teachers, “helping” pros, “friends” tell me to 👉

“Calm down?”

Not to soothe my distress. To soothe THEIR distress.

👉 Shame? Not fun to feel ashamed… of your child.

👉 Fear? Scary when everybody’s looking at you. And you believe it’s not even your fault.

👉 Anger? It’s frustrating… when you have no control. Like… when I don’t do what you want me to… fast enuff… for you.

👉 Soothing? Of course, YOU need soothing… Every time someone ELSE’s pain… Or bad luck… Or death… Reminds you of YOUR danger.

"If You Meet a Saint along the Road," original digital tableau by the author. In a surreal cubist collage, a female saint holds up her hand as another hand reaches around her throat. In the background crows, gas masks, syringe, pills, school bell, objects of control. Digital tools include AI.
“If You Meet a Saint along the Road,” original digital tableau by the author. In a surreal cubist collage, a female saint holds up her hand as another hand reaches around her throat. In the background crows, gas masks, syringe, pills, school bell, objects of control. Digital tools include AI.

🚨 “Calm down.” 🚨

There is never a time that a command… implying that an autistic person in distress is doing “something wrong”… helps.

Never ever. Not once.

Doesn’t matter our age… education… profession… or wealth.

And since your “helpful advice”… only helps YOU… almost certainly inflames OUR pain… not only are you literally adding fuel to the fire in our hearts, minds, and bodies…

You’ll NEVER get what you desire out of us… soothing.

Just add another brick in the prison wall of our trauma.

"Banging Heads," digital illutration by the author. A cubist collage of a stylized young boy's head banging against a wall.
“Banging Heads,” digital illutration by the author.

NOTE: Thanks for reading me. If you’ve found anything of value, please consider sharing. Especially if you know someone who might just want to read it. I’ve managed to lose most of my audience during my illness. So biggest thing you could do to help? Spread the word.

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One Autistic Voice: Escapin Up The Country – #AutisticAF Out Loud

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  2. Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass… s4e3
  3. Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group, s4e2

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Johnny Profane Âû
Live. Laff. Love. Rebel… Pretend Rock Star… Cuz it’s ALL cosplay. I have no credentials to offer. At least none that matter anymore to me. So I offer my life. It’s all I have to give. Blogs https://AutisticAF.me https://johnnyprofane1.medium.com/ Music https://open.spotify.com/artist/20QxTBY9Yk0d7BYCt3aVeS #ActuallyAutistic #AllAutistics #AutisticElder #AutisticSurvivor #AutisticJoy #Neurodiverse #Neurodivergent

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