#AutisticAF

“Well, we all have meltdowns, don’t we sweetie…?”

The sound of my jaw grinding teeth…

Ummmmm… Actually…?

No.

My Meltdowns, Shutdowns, Decompensations…?

These are not passing “moods”…

They define my life.

If you are a parent of an autist, a friend, co-worker, educator, therapist…

When an autistic person quietly tells you…

“I don’t function very well…”

This, this is what he, she, ey means…

Another of my written Songs without a Singer. (More here.)

Believe I’ll Ch-Ch-Change My Shirt

Beat: Marvin Gaye Grapevine Soul

Verse
Sunlight cracks my window,
Gotta be midday.
Kick myself a pathway
Just to pee into the bowl.

Verse
Like a peek into that deepest hole,
Zombie in the Mirror won’t let me look away —
Same filthy shirt as yesterday,
body and soul.

Chorus
I. Gotta. Change.
Man, I gotta ch-ch-change.

New day’s a-coming.
Cuz that same old,
It’s getting fucking old.
Gonna shed that old skin
For one of truest gold…

I. Gotta. Change.
Believe I’ll ch-ch-change my…
(spoken)
Shirt.

Verse
Karma’s a bitch dog, in heat.
She prowls thru my old mind,
Sleeps beside me every night…
Feasting on defeats.

Verse
No stone blocks this empty tomb
But I can’t leave her behind
Memories of the darkest kind
Blind my way outta this room.

Pre-chorus
T H A T change I can not make —
Faced all the strange
This heart can take…

Chorus 2
I. Gotta. Change.
Man, I gotta ch-ch-change.
I gotta change…
I gotta change…
I gotta change…

I. Gotta. Change.
Believe I’ll ch-ch-change my…
(spoken)
Shirt.

Rap
I believe, I believe, I’ll go back home.
I believe, I believe, I’ll go back home.
You can mistreat me here, babe,
But you can’t when I get home…

Can’t see the forest
For the leaves,
The years,
For the tears.
That’s what’s brought me
To my knees.

Saving for rainy days
Ain’t never gonna happen.
Wind from one hand clappin…
Storms in every May Day,
Still pouring
Next April Fool’s Day…

Chorus
I. Gotta. Change.
Man, I gotta ch-ch-change.

New day’s a-coming.
Cuz that same old,
It’s getting fucking old.
Gonna shed that old skin
For one of truest gold…

I. Gotta. Change.
Believe I’ll ch-ch-change my…
(spoken)
Shirt

Thank you Messrs. Jones & Johnson for your words. Marvin, for your soul.

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