Full Spoken Word Transcript

My time, it can’t be measured. Not a diension. It’s a force.

A violent force.

every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

III

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head
Every tick, tick… fucking tick
Tolling Fear, Doom… dread
Click. Slide. Cock… click.

Every night a mantra echoes through my head
TV static… a crazy-making hum
Singing Dream, Drempt… dead…
Not done. Not done. Not done… undone.

10, 9, 8… Dread
7, 6, 5… Fear
4, 3, 2… BEEP.
Shoot the moon… or the country next door
Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

Bound behind doors, bound in my head
Pace, paces, pacing… paced
Every BEEP.
Of the phone.
Stops…
my heart.
.
.
.
I crash out with a scream for escape

II

Woods

Deep woods

Deepest woods

My ears fly
from bird song
to bird song.

A raptor circles then spirals
Crossing lines now dead

Wind steals my breath
Taking words never said

This skin bag of atmosphere
Breathes new air

When the sun rises
First it is cool
Then it gets warm
The day passes

Clouds above my head.
Shaped by wind

Outside my body
The same wind

Inside my body
The
same
Wind

Yet…

I

10, 9, 8… Dread
7, 6, 5… Fear
4, 3, 2… BEEP.
Shoot the moon… or the country next door
Countdown. Deadline. Bow down… dead.

Every clock is a handgun pointed at my head

zero

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More Live Autistic Spoken Word

Bio

Johnny (Knapp) Profane Âû is an auDHD spoken word poet, blogger, podcaster… sometime cosplaying Pretend Rock Star.

Diagnosed autistic at 63, he’s published AutisticAF Out Loud since 2019… a raw, fiercely neurodivergent voice.

His spoken word piece, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” appeared in Wordgathering, a journal of disability poetry & literature. In 2022, he spoke at the UN World Autism Acceptance Day on his illustrations rooted in neurodivergence. Neuroclastic, Thinking Person’s Guide to Autism, and other sites have featured his work since 2019. In an earlier life, he was founding publisher of Unix World magazine in 1984.

Johnny lives in a rural Indiana trailer… next to his wife’s trailer… with his dogs & cat. Occasionally he shaves… to face Walmart.

“I’m autistic. Born 1953.
I was not a product of a vaccine.
I was not born to be pitied.
I was born to raise Hell.
Autistic style.
I’m not out to inspire you.
I’m out to give yo
an experience..
of a life.”

After a long absence, I’m back on WordPress.

I’ve gone full badass spoken word over on subStack… to give you my lived experience of autistic life. Raw. Unfiltered. Real.

I’ll be sharing some of my strongest pieces here with you.

For more, including video livestream performances, subscribe to my Substack.

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