#AutisticAF

What my autism looks like right now…

I wake every morning joyful and in love…

Until I open my eyes and remember…

Virus, climate, financial collapse, mounting bills, Race, cops, protests, violence, a culture of hatred, impending war…

So I pace away day after day…

Distracting from fear, anxiety, overwhelming fatigue, panic, the battle not to lash out at others, muscle spasms, nausea, bleeding ulcer, headaches, irritable bowel, stimming, tears…

And a pattern of escape into sleep, meditation, pointless activity, trips to the store…

And posting on Facebook.

But yet…

Moments of laughter & #AutisticJoy with those I love, my pets, moments of stillness in my garden…

Can’t wrap my head around it.

Not this moment in history…

Not this moment in my life…

Not this m o m e n t