I fear every police officer & cop car I see.
And in 21st Century America… I see them everywhere.
So I bought a Medical Alert Bracelet. To protect myself from “helping” First Responders…
Category: Symptoms
I’ve been struggling with some self-doubt.
It’s an autism thang.
I begin a series exploring how my autistic mind works…
Cuz if we don’t show ’em our hearts…. How will they ever love us?
I’ve come to enjoy the sound of my own voice…
Understanding how & why takes me stumbling down a deep rabbit hole…
Can’t wrap my head around it. Not this moment in history… Not this moment in my life…
Not this m o m e n t
No apology. No justification. No lecture. No discussion. No education. No enlightenment…
Here’s the experience of autistic sensory overload.
When the fog of meltdown comes on, I can’t think of what to do in that moment… to just deal….
So I made a little list…
Autistic joy is hard to explain to another person. Pretty much ANY non-autistic person.
And trying to… drags me into Deep Philosophical Waters…
The issue isn’t age, education, or IQ… Autistics vary just like neurotypical humans…
But intensity…? We got that covered like stink on shiznit.
If you knew if you pushed a button, you gave a child electroshocks… Would you? Could you…? How eye contact feels to this autistic…
When I experience a meltdown, whether it manifests as panic attack, “autistic rage,” or shutting down…
For a while, the “me” I’m accustomed to being… disappears.
Being on the inside of selective mutism, not being certain I’m explaining it clearly…
Really screws with my head.
Why, oh WHY, does their Theory of Mind CONVINCE them, despite all my assurances, that my Resting Bitch Face more accurately portrays my inner being than…
My plain, spoken English…?
“Are you okay? Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY?”
Like they’re talking to a Japanese tourist, and if they just shout loud enough… he’ll understand English…
Just remember, everything I’m about to tell you is a CRIME.…
Every therapy, every diagnosis, every medication– burnout, meltdowns, marriages, careers, shutdowns, and then there was clarity with a late diagnosis of autism.
To cope with the increasingly more complicated demands of #AdultAutistic life, Johnny Profane has relied on the adrenaline rush of fear and anxiety to push him into action and get his mind in gear.
