I’m an Autistic Elder. 70. Wanna know how I rediscovered my Autistic Joy?
Most powerful thing I’ve ever done… to better my autistic life.
NOTE: Some autistic & ADHD folks process reading better, some listening… some both at once. So I include a transcript, podcast, and “pretty” captioned video below. #InclusionMatters.
I’m an Autistic Elder. 70.
Wanna know how I rediscovered my Autistic Joy?
Most powerful thing I’ve ever done… to better my autistic life.
In the end… it meant doing MORE of so many things… Things parents, teachers, pastors, pros told me I must NEVER do.
Now… I examine forbidden things first. Who made the rule? Who benefits? Who’m I hurting if I break it?
A long path. Slow at first…
Faster & faster… the more joy I experience.
Looking back? The concept… easy. The practice… hard. At first…
Article continues below…
I hunted for joyful memories. What was I doing? Where was I? How old? Who was there?
I have a cinematic memory.
I relive scenes… in the moment… to remember. Actors, Images. Setting… buildings, furniture. The light. What I wore. The soundtrack. The dialog. What I felt like in mind & body. Facial expressions, gestures…
Most were early… before 10. And they centered around nature, my hobbies, interests…
And being alone.
I’ve made some important principles… for myself.
- reducing sensory input to natural levels,
- daily “nature baths”… light activity in wild surroundings,
- ferociously rediscovering my childhood interests,
- structuring most of my time around solitude… without shame.
But hard as I’ve worked for 6 years to make my life work… in joy…
The topic sentence came to me just this morning. Figures. I’m like that. A slow learner of new thoughts…
The greatest pleasures in my life… the only things that get me outta bed in the morning…
Uninterrupted moments…
- no anxiety,
- silence, and
- focused attention on something, ANYthing that grabs my interest.
Every tiniest step to reduce anxiety… whether caused by senses, decision-making, social interaction…
Every excuse for more silence…
Every time I prioritized my special interests over everything else…
My autistic joy grows.
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Not been easy to unlearn this much.
To listen to my own voice more than “experts.”
Accepting that my own goals have little to do with consumer society.
That there is no shame in solitude.
Hard work, But f***…
Has it ever been worth it.
Autistic Joy.
I opened a door that I cannot close…
To a path I can never turn my back on.
My hope for you…?
You find yours.
Originally published on TikTok, 10/15/22.
Authentic Autistic Life: 4 Short Stories Fearless, Joyful and Chaotic, s3e2 – #AutisticAF Out Loud
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